So here I am again, sitting in front of my screen, telling myself I am going to stick to the whole blogging thing this time. Why? Because well, it's something alot of adults do, right?
I had never understood why, but for the longest time I have felt the need to express many of my own ideas in writing; until of course I reflected on many of my past experiences and came to the conclusion that I simply don't feel comfortable expressing myself to people because the uncertainty of their reactions makes me anxious and uncomfortable.
I've never thought that I understood the world and the way it works as well as everyone else seemed to; I felt very much like an outsider looking in through an open window. Not so separated from normal that I cannot operate within the normal bounds of society, but not a member of the herd, so to speak (Trying to convey my analogy properly without applying negative connotations is difficult, i'll try harder next time).
In saying that, I have found it progressively easier to compile what I think I know about what I am supposed to do into how I am supposed to act around normal folk. It's not difficult to put up a facade when you feel like you aren't normal, especially when you're younger. I find myself growing increasingly attracted to what that facade offers however. As I grow older I can see myself being a loving husband, doting father, and an upstanding member of my community.
So I have been struggling with my own identity over the past six months especially, as I try and navigate my way from socially awkward and goofy teen, to a person I can be proud to be.
This feels like a really natural way of introducing what it is I wish to accomplish with my latest writing commitment. My goal is to document and archive the life of what you could expect the life of a young adult to be like; what my feelings are, and how I choose to interact versus how I want to react to various typical encounters with 'normal' people.
There are already so many awesome things that I am just bursting to write about, but to give you (and myself) some kind of reasonable expectations as to the quantity and frequency of my writing I will limit myself to (hopefully) two or three exerts from my life per week. That being said, I have yet to develop what seems to be the inherent defining feature of most adults I know and respect; perfect commitment to deadlines; I can't promise perfection right away, or ever really.
But despite what many people may tell you:
I'm a grown-up, I swear.
